In the last few months, I have had a few people come to me with statements like “congratulations Naz, you look so happy, I don’t agree with your life decisions but I wish you all the best”, of course I’d politely smile, thank them and pretend like if they somehow approved or agreed with how I do life, my life would surely hold more value or be a little bit more worthy of living *side eye* (but they’re human and we love them anyway). I usually hear them say this, think nothing of it and continue living my life, until one day someone with no evidence of a clear direction, passion or course in life (according to me of course) said it, and I stood there thinking- you know nothing about what your life is about, what you stand for and you think you have some right to agree or not agree with someone else’s life? Must be so nice! I chuckled to myself and parked the conversation somewhere in my mind, today seems like the right day to bring it out.
We do this a lot, we are all under the age of 50 and we have decided that we are the masters of life. We claim to know which steps to take, which steps others should take, what risks to avoid and what routes work. I know I am part of that crowd. We are still busy trying to define our own lives but, never mind that little detail, the point is we just know how life will unfold, we have travelled into the future and people would be silly to not listen to us.
At every point of life throughout history, certain systems were set up for human survival and every system held its own rewards and its own consequences. Naturally we tend to go for what we’ve seen work for the majority and if enough people go for that route, we define that specific man-made route as “the way to do life”, anyone that comes with something different (especially if it seems to work for them), we quickly want to discredit it. This is because they make us feel insecure about our choices and no one wants to think of their plan as the one that might fail, so we bash anything different and find our sanity in the fact that the majority is on our side.
I always say that I strongly believe the only way that is guaranteed to work is the path set out by the creator Himself for each individual. I would find myself seeking God’s will for my life but still hoping that it at least looks like the majority’s plan so that I don’t become too lonely on my road or have to deal with the challenges that come with the road less travelled by- “set me apart Lord, not really apart but sort of, just enough”.
During the last two years I have made major decisions which I strongly feel were set out and affirmed by God, but I have also felt insecure about them from time to time, I have only recently started being more and more confident about my life and I know this because my attitude towards what others do or think has dramatically changed. God has been faithful in being patient, affirming me over and over again, loving me and diligently helping me navigate my weaknesses daily.
I am now able to listen to people’s plans and not feel like I have to compare them to mine to see if I find them valid or not (well sometimes I still do, but I’m working on it). I am able to intercede with people and genuinely want their plans to succeed. I am able to be happy for people without having to re-evaluate my choices every time I notice progress in someone else’s life. It is becoming more and more pleasurable to celebrate with others because my insecurities are fading day by day.
Most people are actually really insecure about their life choices, this is because nothing about the future is certain and we all want to pretend that it is. We all find ways to numb this nagging feeling in us that makes us aware of how little control we actually have. We settle for illusions of control such as wealth to help us medicate this reality. We find comfort in magnifying our plans and working hard to make others feel less about theirs. We sit and wait for people to fail so we can feel good about ourselves, we hope others don’t succeed to validate our idea of life. Admit it or not, the unknown drives us crazy because it requires less control and more trust in this radical unapologetic God who really has insane methods! But even after all those efforts to help convince ourselves that we have it all together, none of us really know.
No one knows if this business plan will work out, if this company will or will not retrench you, if the economy will be in your favour or not, if you’ll be happy, if your assets will be repossessed or not, if you’ll die young, if you’ll find love, if your kids will be great products, if you’ll change lives, if you’ll die alone, no one knows if you’ll live a purpose filled passionate life, if you’ll be something big, if you’ll remain famous, if you’ll have enough after you retire, if you will actually live a life that is worthy of God’s kingdom. None of us actually know, we have an idea, we work out probabilities and we hope everyday, but no one really knows how things will look in the future, and yet here we are, trying to dictate each other’s plans based on man-made ideas we might have seen work, but who said they’ll work for us? We really don’t know.
My hope is that we all find God’s will for our lives, that we find our calling and passions, that we offer every bit of us to God’s plans, that we trust Him fully with our hearts, that we pray for each other to be diligent in our paths, that we sacrifice our own ideas for God’s kingdom, that we become a nation so secure that we don’t feel the need to make others insecure with what they feel God is calling them into, that we may be generous with resources to help others, that we may love our lives, our God and each other.
Stop seeking validation, stop feeling entitled to give any because at the end of it all, no one knows, and that should be a blessing to us. Let people take risks and if any counsel should be given, lead them to Jesus, for all answers are in Him.
Let’s hold each other accountable to God’s ways yes, but let’s acknowledge that only God really knows. So dearest friend, the next time you want to “care” so much about me that you want to have a say about whether you agree or not without actually giving me productive advice, rather pray for me to gain wisdom where I might be deceived, rather pray that I hear God’s voice, instead of waiting to see where I will end up, rather get on your knees and pray, or better yet, ask me to pray with you to feel less insecure about your life, and if I do the same, if I come to you with no sign of love or intention of pointing you to the truth, if all I want to do is tell you what I find permissible or not, with no wisdom or anything to better your life but an empty opinion, you are free to remind me of this blog post, and I hope I am mature enough in that moment to take my own advice.
Happy living dearest reader, trust God, live and be merry.