It has been an eventful year packed with seasons and revelations I haven’t been able to share on this platform. There are several posts sitting in my notes app and today particularly felt like a day I should post this one, well besides the feeling, I actually have time so here it goes;

A few months ago we moved into a new place (we have since moved to another one but that’s a long story), the great thing about the place is that some of my heart people lived on the same property. I spent a lot of time with Sangz, who got married earlier this year, and amongst the many conversations we have, her wedding day and all the work and stress that went into it was often a point of discussion. Of course I attended her wedding and had a blast, but her experience of the day got me thinking a lot about wedding days and what they actually mean to me, more so, what sending or receiveing a wedding invitation means.

I remember when we were counting our RSVP’s for our wedding, one particular couple that had played such a significant role in our courtship couldn’t make it, and I remember the lady saying to me (not in the exact words but anyway..) “I have come to realize that what matters more than the people at your wedding are those who stick around to walk your marriage through with you.” I didn’t quite understand what she meant, but over the years I have come to appreciate those who have walked the journey with us.

Recently, we had the honor of attending Mpho and Webster’s wedding and during their thank you speech, Webster said something that resonated with what my heart has been meditating on lately; he said “please don’t leave us”… that statement made a lot of sense to me as I thought about my community.

Reality is we are often so excited about getting a wedding invitation or quick to take offense when we do not receive one, but do we stop to think about what an invite actually means (or rather what I feel it should mean)? It is not merely to dress up and go eat great food; beyond being there to celebrate and witness people who love each other commit to doing so for a very long time, our attendance is more valuable when we are there to stand in agreement with their promise to each other and to support them in walking out their marriage. We ought to pray for them, to be there when they need us, to offer our hearts and resources when need be… Our attendance is more valuable when we are there to contribute to holding them accountable to the vows we witness on the day.

I realize what a blessing community is when I think of the people who have walked the journey with us, for those who have stayed through it all (and even those we met along the way). Those who will call to find out how we are, if they can take the kids for the afternoon as we pursue to keep the fire burning between us (the same fire they witnessed on the day), those who stick around to help us fuel it and those who call us out when we move away from our promise to each other, those for me are the most appreciated RSVP’s.

We shouldn’t just walk away from weddings with full stomachs and new pictures for our instagram feeds, we should ponder on the fact that there’s now a new marriage in our community and perhaps it is also on us to help build and keep it alive.  There are a lot of factors that contribute to struggling marriages, and in all honesty, a trusted community helps to keep the union healthy and thriving.

Although not everyone who is at the wedding will give something significant to the marriage, I would like to challenge us to have a less self-centred approach to attending weddings. That it wouldn’t just be about how weddings make us feel or how much fun we can have, but for it to rather mean something deeper and more valuable for those who chose to share the day with us.

May we be a generous people, not those who stand on the sidelines and watch from a distance, waiting to see if this will really work…may we share the burden with our loved ones to make it work.

I really am thankful to everyone who has been there on our journey. Sometimes you might think that you are just being nice, but you do not realize what impact your efforts have. No matter how little, even if it is just praying from a distance, your contribution is invaluable and appreciated beyond words.