People are really scared of being called out for their nonsense. The culture of perfection has taught us to reject anything that calls out correction in us. It is really a hard pill to swallow when someone points out your flaws, but why is that? Why is it so hard if we all know that by virtue of being human, we have a pile of crap and if it doesn’t leave, we become toxic creatures and affect those around us?

The other day I was thinking of all the people who have left me because of different reasons; because I was not loving them right or I was stealing their joy or I was just not the person they wanted to be around. I used to hurt so much over this because most times I really felt like I was trying you know, but the more I have invested in getting to know myself, the more I have learned to become okay with this. People are well within their rights to leave you if you are offering them manure, my husband hates that humans work like this because he feels it perpetuates self-righteousness and he believes in unconditional love (cool oke I know) and I get that, but I also get that if we don’t take the responsibility to heal ourselves, we damage others and they need to find a way to protect themselves.

I respect those who have left me because they felt I was disrupting their peace, sometimes my pride gets in the way but I am intentionally learning to digest their reasons and use them to detox my crappy human and become a better person. Even though I know that in most cases I wasn’t the only problem, it has become important for me to fix my role in the part. This doesn’t necessarily mean I reconcile with people (really bad at reconciliation by the way, I avoid it like the plague, I’m not there yet- that’s a post for another day), but it means that I try use that information to build my current relationships for the better.

Before this blog post sounds like me playing victim, it was triggered by an experience I recently had with someone in their 40’s. An experience that opened my eyes that if we do not deal with our nonsense, it will follow us to the grave. It is always so urgent to introspect and take people’s notes in, yes not all comments will be true as people will be projecting their own issues, but I think sometimes it’s worth the admin to sift that out. Soon you will get to know if things are true, but most times we KNOW when something is a flaw in us.

We take offense way too quickly as humans (I get it’s hard not to), but we need to learn to move past it and let other humans grow us. If we are too proud to grow, we rob ourselves from experiencing better versions of ourselves, and we rob others from a purer experience of our love towards them.

So love people enough to say okay if they feel you are toxic, fight for them if you will, but with the promise to better yourself; I should also note that the latter is some hypocritical advice from me as I haven’t matured enough to have the will to fight for someone ready to leave me completely. I have however committed to fighting smaller battles by fighting for those who are still willing to stay, so that’s progress…I guess it feels like if someone has decided to leave, clearly your manure has drowned them to the point of no return, so it feels like I have failed and I hate failing, my pride just won’t let me fight further (like I said, still working on this one).

It does however comfort me to know that God is committed to helping me through this glitch; I always say that He knew that marriage is for me, especially the kind of man I am married to, it has been so generous in teaching me how love works. Marriage is always my first point of reference to measure how well I am doing at loving people. For example I know without a doubt that even though I have an issue with fighting for people, I WOULD definitely fight for my husband. I love him more than I love any human in this world, and that simply shows me that I am able to fight for other humans, so I’m working on that passion to trickle down to other parts of my heart until I become that kind of human to everyone in my life.

Let us be okay with growing up. Let us not be too proud, and let us recognize that this short life is worth the happiness we owe ourselves. Let us heal. Let us introspect. Let us grow.

(Julian Meagher: Watercolour Glazes)